Rehab
by JolinarJackson
Summary: The Face of Boe meets someone he never thought he'd see again ...


**Rehab**

_Word Count: _~800

_Summary: _The Face of Boe meets someone he never thought he'd see again ...

_Characters: _The Face of Boe (Jack Harkness), ?, OC

_Rating: _R

_Spoiler:_ a tiny one for _Utopia_, _The Last Of The Time Lords_

_Setting: _pre-_New Who _

_Crossover: Torchwood_

_Crossover-Setting: _post-series

_Author's Note: _Written for the whoverse_las prompt _Crack!Fic_.This assumes that Jack is the Face of Boe. I never wrote crack!fic before and I think this kinda sucks, so be kind.

_Disclaimer: _I'm not making money with this fanfic. The tv-shows _Doctor Who _and _Torchwood _and the characters appearing within it belong to their producers and creators. Any similarities to living or dead persons are purely coincidental and not intended.

xxx

He was bored, but there was nothing he could do against it. The Face of Boe looked around his half of the big hospital suite he'd been admitted to to recover from the transfer from a normal body to ... well, being a face in a jam jar. Losing his body really sucked! He wondered if he would have been able to keep his body longer if he'd taken better care of it, but there was only so much immortality could repair and his body had gotten old and a bit run-down.

A nurse entered the room and the Face of Boe turned his eyes on her. She was one of the cat people and quite cute. Which reminded him ... oh, dear God ... he would never have sex again!

The nurse nodded a greeting, then vanished behind the curtained-off area where the other patient was resting. The nurse said something, then she stepped around the curtain and smiled at the Face of Boe. "Are you up for some company?"

_'I'll never be __**up**__ for company again,'_ the Face of Boe thought woefully, but since he was a face in a jam jar and had just lost his cock, he decided that his charm and wisdom were the only things he had left ... and it just wouldn't do to anger one of the cat people. They could be very conniving.

"Of course," he answered. The nurse swept back the curtain and the Face of Boe stared at another face in a jar – another guy.

"Hello!" the other guy said.

Something was familiar about him, but the Face of Boe couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"Hello," he answered and added, "How are you doing?"

The other face raised his eyebrows. "How do you think I'm doing? I just realised that I'll never have sex again."

"Tell me about it," the Face of Boe sighed.

"But, hey," the other face said, "apparently we can still get pregnant. How weird is that?"

"Yeah," the Face of Boe agreed. He liked the other face, but something was off about him. "I'm the Face of Boe," he introduced himself.

"Cool name," the other face said.

"Yeah," the Face of Boe agreed.

"I'm Sean," the other face said and grimaced. "Obviously, not so cool."

"I think it's alright."

Sean smiled. Recognition dawned. Oh God, he knew that man ... face ... whatever! Who was that guy?

Sean was oblivious to the Face of Boe's inner turmoil. "They told me we'll be spending the next five months in rehab together."

The Face of Boe wasn't sure if he should be happy about that so he didn't answer.

The nurse returned to the room. "It's time for your supper, Mr. Connery."

The Face of Boe stared at Sean and while the nurse was busy hooking up the equipment to get Sean fed, he asked, "Sean Connery?"

"Yes," the other face said.

"James Bond?" the Face of Boe clarified.

"Oh, you've been to Earth!" Sean said in excitement. "21st century?" The Face of Boe nodded and Sean smiled. "I took on that name after I couldn't use my old one anymore. Trouble with the police, you know." He winked at the Face of Boe. Then he sighed happily. "Earth, 21st century ... nice little planet!"

"I lived there for quite a long time," the Face of Boe said.

"Really?" Sean asked. He narrowed his eyes. "You know ... you look kind of familiar."

"I thought the same," the Face of Boe said.

"What was your name when you lived on Earth?" Sean asked.

"You tell me yours first," the Face of Boe answered.

Sean didn't answer. He just pouted at the Face of Boe through two layers of glass and the Face of Boe could now be sure that he knew that face – it had looked at him that way quite often.

He gave in. "I had many names," he said. "While I lived on Earth, I was Jack Harkness."

Sean stared at him, then he laughed. "Oh, this is just brilliant!"

"Who are you?" the Face of Boe asked.

"Reunited at last!" Seam squealed.

The memory of a man grinning wildly and waving with a towel came to the forefront of the Face of Boe's mind. "Oh God!" he moaned. "No, please, no!"

"Oh, Jack!" Sean cooed. "Don't be bummed. We'll get along great."

The Face of Boe groaned. The longest five months of his life were lying ahead of him.

He and John Hart in rehab! Just like old times ...

END

06/11


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